Moving Towards Change – Completing a Belief Check-In

Completing a Belief Check-In helps to identify the “why” behind our behaviors. Emotions are powerful forces that can dictate our thoughts and actions, sometimes without us even realizing it. Completing this exercise helps uncover the subconscious beliefs that guide our behavior and gives us the ability to take back control. By understanding the root cause of our emotions and the meaning we attach to them, we can break free from reactive patterns and respond in healthier, more intentional ways. This exercise not only helps us feel more secure in managing our behaviors, but it also moves us toward greater emotional awareness and overall well-being.

Here is a guide to help you reflect more deeply:

1. What am I feeling, and why am I feeling emotions?

• What emotions are present?

• • Start by identifying the primary emotions you’re feeling in the moment. These could be straightforward, like sadness, joy, or anger, or they could be more complex, such as frustration, guilt, or anxiety. Emotions often arise from multiple layers, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. For example, you might feel both disappointed and relieved at the same time.
  • Tip: Try to avoid labeling emotions as “good” or “bad.” All emotions are part of the human experience and can provide valuable information about our inner world. By recognizing and accepting these feelings, you can start to move toward understanding them rather than suppressing them.

• Why am I feeling this way?

• • Next, consider the cause behind these emotions. Are they related to a specific event, such as an argument, a loss, or a stressful situation? Or are they more chronic, tied to ongoing life patterns or unresolved issues? Sometimes, feelings can also arise from internal conflicts or unmet needs that we may not consciously recognize.
  • Tip: Ask yourself whether the emotion you’re experiencing is a direct response to something specific or if it’s a reaction based on past experiences. For instance, are you feeling anxious because of a current event, or does it remind you of a similar situation you’ve faced before?

2. Are these feelings familiar? Are they common? Are they long-term?

• Familiarity:

• • Reflect on whether these emotions are ones you’ve experienced before. Is this a recurring pattern for you? For example, do you often feel angry in similar circumstances, or do you experience anxiety before public speaking? By identifying familiar emotional triggers, you gain insight into recurring beliefs or unresolved issues that could need more attention.
  • Tip: Sometimes, certain emotions can be traced back to childhood experiences or long-held beliefs that were formed during earlier stages of life. Are these emotions a result of a specific situation, or are they connected to deeper, older wounds?

• Commonality:

• • Ask yourself if these emotions are common in your life, or if they arise primarily in specific contexts. Do certain people, places, or situations trigger specific emotional responses? For example, do you often feel frustrated at work, or are there certain relationships that consistently evoke feelings of inadequacy or defensiveness? Recognizing when and where these feelings arise can help you better prepare for or address them in the future.
  • Tip: Emotions tied to specific situations or relationships are often clues to patterns or beliefs about yourself or others that may need to be examined.

• Long-term:

• • Reflect on the duration of the emotions you’re experiencing. Are they fleeting and temporary, or have they persisted over time? Long-term or chronic feelings can indicate deeper, unresolved issues or beliefs that require attention and healing. For instance, feelings of sadness that linger for weeks could be an indicator of depression or unresolved grief.
  • Tip: If emotions seem to last for a long time, it may be helpful to seek support, whether through therapy, journaling, or other self-care practices, to uncover the root cause.

3. What behaviors do I engage in to comfort or escape my feelings?

• Comfort behaviors:

• • When feeling overwhelmed or hurt, we often engage in behaviors that help us soothe or comfort ourselves. These might include watching television, eating, talking to a friend, exercising, or spiritual practices like prayer or meditation. These behaviors can be healthy ways to manage stress and emotions, but they can also become avoidance strategies when used excessively or in place of addressing the underlying issues.
  • Tip: Observe how you feel after engaging in comforting behaviors. Do they bring temporary relief but leave the root emotion unaddressed? Sometimes, comfort behaviors can provide immediate relief but don’t truly resolve the deeper emotional needs, like self-compassion or understanding.

• Escape behaviors:

• • Escape behaviors are often used to avoid feeling the intensity of our emotions. These may include distractions like social media, excessive work, substance use, or withdrawing from others. While these behaviors can provide temporary relief, they often delay the healing process and can lead to greater emotional distress or unprocessed feelings down the road.
  • Tip: Notice if your escape behaviors keep you from dealing with the core emotions that need attention. Identifying patterns of avoidance can help you work towards more constructive coping mechanisms.

4. What conclusion or meaning am I giving to these feelings? What do I believe about myself?

• Conclusion or meaning:

• • Ask yourself what story you’re telling about the emotion you’re experiencing. For example, do you think feeling anxious means you’re incapable or weak? Do you interpret sadness as a sign of failure? How we interpret our emotions can significantly impact our behavior and mental well-being. Sometimes, we attach negative meanings to our feelings, creating unnecessary suffering.
  • Tip: Challenge these interpretations. Are these conclusions based on facts, or are they simply assumptions or learned beliefs that need to be questioned?

• Beliefs about yourself:

• • Our emotions often reflect deeper beliefs about ourselves, especially when intense. For example, feeling guilty may indicate a belief that you’re not worthy of forgiveness, or feeling angry may signal a belief that your needs are not being met. These beliefs can be helpful (if they support self-growth) or harmful (if they reinforce negative self-concepts).
  • Tip: Reframe negative beliefs by separating the emotion from your identity. Feeling anxiety doesn’t mean you’re “an anxious person”; it means you’re experiencing anxiety in response to a situation. Likewise, feeling angry doesn’t mean you’re an “angry person”—it’s just an emotion you’re experiencing.

5. What is true about me, important to me, or what I value?

• Truth about you:

• • Take a step back from the emotional experience and reflect on the deeper, unshakable truths about yourself. Who are you beyond your feelings? What positive qualities do you possess that can’t be defined by temporary emotional states? Acknowledging your strengths, such as resilience, compassion, or integrity, makes you feel grounded during challenging emotional experiences.
  • Tip: When caught in overwhelming emotions, it can be easy to forget what makes you unique and valuable. Remind yourself of your core characteristics and accomplishments to re-establish a sense of self-worth.

• Values:

• • Think about what truly matters to you in your life. Is it connection with others, personal growth, family, or health? When emotions cloud your judgment, losing sight of your values is easy. By identifying what you hold dear, you can take actions that move you towards fulfilling what’s most important to you.
  • Tip: Your values are your compass. When you feel lost or uncertain, turning to your core values can help guide your decisions and clarify your emotional reactions.

6. What do I need, and how do I move towards what is important to me?

• Needs:

• • Reflect on what this emotional experience is telling you about your needs. For example, if you feel anxious, your need may be a sense of control or security. If you’re feeling lonely, your need might be connection or validation. By identifying these needs, you permit yourself to address them in healthy, productive ways.
  • Tip: Be compassionate with yourself about your needs. We all have moments where we need extra support, comfort, or rest. Healthily addressing these needs can alleviate emotional discomfort and prevent them from overwhelming.

• Moving towards what’s important:

• • Once you’ve identified your needs, consider how to move forward in a way that aligns with your values. This may involve setting boundaries, taking time for self-care, reaching out to others for support, or taking steps towards long-term goals. Moving towards what matters to you helps you regain a sense of agency and direction despite challenging emotions.
  • Tip: Small, concrete steps towards your values can help you regain a sense of control and fulfillment. If you value your health but have been neglecting exercise, committing to a short walk or a yoga session each day can help reconnect you to your body and your value of well-being.

Conclusion:
Completing this belief check-in regularly will deepen your emotional awareness, challenge harmful thought patterns, and move toward healthier behaviors. This process is not about suppressing emotions or “fixing” them instantly but rather about creating space to reflect, learn, and grow in a compassionate, intentional way. Through this exercise, you’ll develop more control over your emotional responses, allowing you to live more authentically and align your actions with your true self.

How to Apply the Belief Check-In in Specific Situations

1. In Times of Anxiety or Stress

• Emotion Check-In: When feeling anxious or stressed, pause and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” You might identify emotions like fear, nervousness, or tension.
• Why This Emotion? Think about the specific situation causing your anxiety. Is it a presentation, an upcoming event, or something related to your life? Is there an underlying fear, such as fear of failure or rejection, that is triggering this anxiety?
• Familiarity and Commonality: Notice if this anxiety is something you’ve experienced before in similar situations (e.g., public speaking or facing new challenges). If so, it could be rooted in past experiences of self-doubt or trauma.
• Comfort and Escape Behaviors: When anxious, many people engage in comfort behaviors like deep breathing, calling a friend, or exercising. On the other hand, escape behaviors might include avoidance (e.g., procrastination) or numbing (e.g., watching TV or overeating). Recognizing these behaviors helps you become aware of whether you’re coping in healthy or unhelpful ways.
• Beliefs About Yourself: Ask, “What belief do I have that makes me anxious? Do I believe I’m incapable or that something bad will happen if I fail?” Reframing this belief to something more realistic, like “I have the skills to manage this,” can significantly reduce anxiety.
• What’s True About You: Remind yourself of your strengths. “I’ve handled stressful situations before and learned to adapt.” Knowing your true capabilities helps to ground you during times of anxiety.
• What You Need and Moving Towards It: Do you need rest, support, or time to prepare? Moving toward solutions, like organizing your thoughts or reaching out for support, can help you regain control and manage the anxiety effectively.

2. When Experiencing Conflict in Relationships

• Emotion Check-In: In conflict, you might feel anger, frustration, hurt, or even confusion. Identifying the core emotion can help you understand your immediate reaction.
• Why This Emotion? Reflect on the event that triggered your emotions. Are you feeling unheard or disrespected? Are old wounds being triggered in the interaction? Understanding the “why” behind your feelings helps clarify the underlying issues.
• Familiarity and Commonality: Consider whether this conflict or emotional response is a relationship pattern. Have you experienced similar situations before, or is this the first time? Are there recurring themes of miscommunication, unmet needs, or past trauma in your interactions?
• Comfort and Escape Behaviors: During conflict, do you avoid talking about the issue, shut down, or lash out? Identifying how you respond in conflict can reveal patterns you may want to change.
• Beliefs About Yourself: Conflict can often stir up beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t express my feelings.” Reflecting on these beliefs and challenging them can change how you approach conflict. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m bad at conflict,” shift to, “I can handle conflict constructively.”
• What’s True About You: Remind yourself that you’re worthy of respect and have the right to express your needs and feelings. Your feelings in conflict are valid, but they don’t define you.
• What You Need and Moving Towards It: In relationships, identify what you need: Is it validation, understanding, space, or resolution? Actively communicate your needs to your partner calmly and respectfully, aiming for resolution rather than victory.

3. When Feeling Overwhelmed or Burnt Out

• Emotion Check-In: Overwhelm is often a mix of exhaustion, frustration, and anxiety. Recognize if you’re feeling physically, emotionally, or mentally drained, which can signal burnout.
• Why This Emotion? Consider the source of the overwhelm. Is it due to work demands, personal responsibilities, or a lack of self-care? Understanding why you feel overwhelmed helps you identify what areas of your life require more attention or boundaries.
• Familiarity and Commonality: Is this a familiar feeling that arises after high stress or when you’re overburdened? Recognizing this pattern can indicate the need to change how you manage stress.
• Comfort and Escape Behaviors: Overwhelmed people might seek comfort in distraction (e.g., binge-watching TV) or escape behaviors like procrastination. While these can provide temporary relief, they don’t solve the underlying issue.
• Beliefs About Yourself: Overwhelm often triggers the belief that we’re not doing enough or should be able to manage everything. Challenge these beliefs by reminding yourself that everyone needs rest and support.
• What’s True About You: Acknowledge that you are human, and asking for help or taking breaks is okay. Your productivity does not define you—your value is inherent and not contingent upon being constantly busy or perfect.
• What You Need and Moving Towards It: Identify what you need to restore balance—more rest, delegating tasks, or time for self-care. Take concrete steps to prioritize your well-being, like saying no to additional commitments or scheduling regular breaks throughout your day.

Additional Tips for Emotional Regulation

Beyond the belief check-in, here are several strategies that can help you regulate your emotions and respond more thoughtfully:

1. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

• Practice mindfulness to stay present in the moment. Grounding exercises can help calm your mind when emotions are high. For example, take five deep breaths, pay attention to the sensations in your body, or focus on your immediate surroundings (e.g., “What are three things I can see, hear, and touch right now?”).
• Tip: Mindfulness doesn’t have to take a long time. Even a minute or two of focused breathing can help you regain clarity and calmness.

2. Journaling and Reflection

• Writing can be a great way to process emotions. Try journaling about your feelings, why you think you feel that way, and how you’d like to respond. This exercise helps externalize your thoughts, making identifying patterns and shifts in your beliefs easier.
• Tip: Use journaling as a tool for self-compassion. Write to yourself as if writing to a friend, offering empathy and understanding.

3. Self-Compassion

• Be kind to yourself. When emotions run high, it’s easy to criticize yourself for feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Practice speaking to yourself the way you would speak to someone you care about—gently and compassionately.
• Tip: Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel your emotions and that you deserve time and space to process them.

4. Cognitive Behavioral Techniques

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) strategies, such as reframing negative thoughts, help manage emotions. When you experience a distressing emotion, identify the underlying thought (e.g., “I’m not good enough”) and challenge its validity. Replace it with a more balanced thought (e.g., “I am doing my best, and that is enough”).
• Tip: Keep a “thought record” where you write down negative thoughts and then counter them with positive, more balanced alternatives.

5. Seek Support and Connection

• Sometimes, emotions can feel overwhelming when faced alone. Reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide perspective, emotional support, and help you feel less isolated in your experience.
• Tip: Let others know what you need—whether it’s someone to listen, help you brainstorm solutions, or provide emotional comfort.

Applying these steps and strategies will give you more control over your emotional responses, leading to greater emotional resilience and healthier behaviors. This process encourages growth and learning, allowing you to develop better emotional awareness.